Isn't this hilarious?

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.



2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.



3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.



4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.



5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.



6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.



7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.



8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.



9. Only in America......do we use the word ’politics’ to describe the process so well: ’Poli’ in Latin meaning ’many’ and ’tics’ meaning ’bloodsucking creatures’



10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM’s with Braille lettering.



11.Only in America.....Will you go to a restraunt in seaworld and ask for bandaids and get mayonise



EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?



Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?



Why don’t you ever see the headline ';Psychic Wins Lottery';?



Why is ';abbreviated'; such a long word?



Why is it that doctors call what they do ';practice';?



Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click ..';?



Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?



Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?



Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?



Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?



When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?



Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?



Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?



You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff??



Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?



Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?



If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?



If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



————————-- In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:



On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).



On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?



On a bar of Dial soap: ';Directions: Use like regular soap.'; (and that would be how???....)



On some Swanson frozen dinners: ';Serving suggestion: Defrost.'; (but, it’s ';just'; a suggestion).



On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): ';Do not turn upside down.'; (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!



On Marks %26amp; Spencer Bread Pudding: ';Product will be hot after heating.'; (...and you thought????...)



On packaging for a Rowenta iron: ';Do not iron clothes on body.'; ...



On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: ';Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.'; (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)



On Nytol Sleep Aid: ';Warning: May cause drowsiness.'; (and.. .I’m taking this because???....)



On most brands of Christmas lights: ';For indoor or outdoor use only.'; (as opposed to...what?)



On Sunsbury’s peanuts: ';Warning: contains nuts.'; (talk about a news flash)



On an American Airlines packet of nuts: ';Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.'; (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)



On a child’s superman costume: ';Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'; (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)



On a Swedish chainsaw: ';Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'; (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)Isn't this hilarious?
I think its funny :]



thanks for sharing!



and whats sad is that it's not just in america!Isn't this hilarious?
Somebody posted this a while ago.



Not really funny.
too long
you should have tried breaking this into 3 questions.. its tooooo much to read !..lol



well i did read a little. and yes, its funny :D
Yes!!! I've read this before and I wish I knew who wrote it. Does anybody know? Thanks for posting this!!!!
that was nice. lol but seriously noah...why DIDNT you swat those damn mosquitoes? lol
very cool
I've seen this before, yes, funny indeed. The warning labels were especially good.
ya
yes it is a bit funny
hey that was interesting and fun! thank's!=D
george carlin routine.
Wow - you could do an entire hour of being a stand-up comedian!



~ SO, THEREFORE ~



Only in America, why can't performing comedians sit down?!



Yes, this is all hilarious ! Thanks and a star coming your way!
I read it all.



I'd like to add:



Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?



LOL

Thanks for the laugh.
Very clever. Thanks for sharing.
haha! yes! its hilarious. i love it =)
I get points for reading a joke? Is this how one advances in Y!A?
no, i dont see anything hilarious about this
I can’t believe people said “to long to read”

I have seen this before (but only in England..) and this was hilarious and so where the labels.

My favourite;

On Sunsbury’s peanuts: ';Warning: contains nuts.'; (talk about a news flash)

HA!!
yup they are lol
Hahahahahah very funny indeed !!!!



What a strange world we live in !
You got this off of a website didn't you??



That's plaguerizing buddy.....